Lament

 

I had been going through a series of some very hard and painful trials. My mentor would often ask “why don’t you give your pain to the Lord?” My response was always some sort of defense mechanism I had programmed in my heart in order to push the pain away; without even knowing what I was doing. In order to simply survive the depth of pain, I was masking it with Christian facades. “I have already forgiven, I don’t have any pain, it really is fine, I’ll try harder, I will deal with every sin I can think of, I will just change my thoughts” and the list went on. Until there came another trial, of much deeper pain and impact. Betrayal in my marriage. There was no hiding my pain anymore. There was no trying harder to do the right Christian things. Saying I forgive, working on my own sin, trying harder, pushing away the pain, pointing out his sin, trying to capture my thoughts and speak truth back to myself, and even trying to recite Gods character, would no longer serve me in this season. I needed something that would break through my pain, validate it, give voice to my suffering, and then lead me in deep true healing so that I COULD stand back upon Gods character in restful trust. So the Lord led me on a journey of lament. 

One morning, I started my day with the children and things were going fine. We had finished some homeschool, my son and I were singing worship on his microphones as the children banged on pots and pans with wooden spatulas. All of the sudden, like a tsunami unannounced, my grief and my pain washed over me in a forceful wave. Crippling me. Consuming me. Crushing me. I heard the Lord’s voice so tenderly and so clearly saying, “it’s time to lament”. I yelled back at Him, “I don’t WANT to lament!!! I don’t want to feel any of this pain!!!” I ran into my closet and just collapsed on the floor. I screamed. I yelled. I wept. I shrieked like an animal in distress.  I allowed myself to finally feel the weight of the pain of betrayal. Like a dagger pierced through a heart, the pain cut through my heart and I felt every last bit of pain. Every jab, every twist, every turn of the knife in my heart. Oddly enough, after a while in my closet of screaming, weeping, crying out to the Lord, and allowing myself to feel the pain- I had another unexpected wave come over me, but this time it was a wave of healing. A wave of strength. A wave full of grace. 

I began a pilgrimage of lament. I didn’t seek this out, lament wasn’t something I wanted to learn about, and yet it became an anchor in my daily walk with the Lord. I began to deeply cherish the gift it was. Lamentations became my new favorite book in scripture. The lament psalms felt like they were my own. Psalm 73 in particular. Certain passages from Gods word began to take on new meaning, new revelation. I would take daily walks in the afternoon just to lament. And the Lord began to destroy my view on what I thought lament was, and lead me into the truth of how He created it to work. I didn’t want to lament, because I was afraid to feel the depth of pain. But the truth is, unless we actually deal WITH the pain, allow ourselves to FEEL it- we can never be truly healed. There can never be glory beyond the pain. We will learn how to suppress it, deny it, cover it up, and ignore it- but it will remain an infectious disease in our soul. I still had questions I wrestled with. I knew Gods promises, and I knew His character, but what was I to do with the pain I was holding? It didn’t make sense, how I could hold His perfect character in one hand, and such a deep dark pain in the other. Lament was the bridge between my pain, and His promises/ character/ word. The famous scripture from lamentations 3, “but this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope” came about AFTER he lamented. It’s a turning point from our pain, to trust in His character. Lament is the journey in which we can stand back upon His promises and character. Lament is a raw unfiltered prayer to God in complaint, that leads to a renewed trust in Him. But trying to only recite His character and promises will often end up empty, without acknowledging the pain and dealing with it rightly. (Yes, there are wrong ways to deal with our pain and remain stuck IN it, or accusing God and remaining bitter).

 The church in general has a skewed vision of how we are to process pain. So we either shy away from people actually walking through deep suffering, become the friends like Job wrestled with, or even fear the rawness of someone’s emotions and tell them they are wrong and couldn’t possibly be following Christ. Lament isn’t the destination, but unless we learn to lament, we won’t ever reach the healing we long for. The answers we are looking for. The assurance of His character and ability to trust Him anew. Lament is how we get there. 

So I wanted to share with you all, the things Jesus has taught me in this journey and some of the spoils I have taken from this painful trial. (Did you know, God can take others sin, the brokenness of the world, and even our own sin- and turn it on its head for redemption and glory!? Look at the cross!) We should expect good to come from our trials. Just like new growth erupting from a cut down stump, so He works all things for our good if we will participate with Him in the process. One spoil I have taken, is the gift of lament. Understanding it for myself so that I can help others lament in their suffering and come back to a place of restful trust in Gods character and word. 

• Lament is drawing on Gods attention to the suffering, pain, and distress we are feeling. 

•Lament lays out our complaints to God honestly. We are secure to process our real emotions with God. It gives our suffering a voice and validates it. We come to Him with it all. We wrestle, we complain, we shriek, we ask, then we chose to trust Him.

•Our circumstances don’t have to change, before we can begin healing in the Lord. And yet, when we do find healing in the Lord, our circumstances often do begin to change. Sometimes, they do not. But we can still find rest and have life in Him. In lamentations, Jeremiah’s circumstances didn’t change, God didn’t change, it was his perception. Our perceptions of who God is, change, and therefore our emotions follow. We anchor ourselves back in truth- but we must acknowledge the emotions first. 

•Lament is a turn from magnifying our pain, to magnifying who He is in the midst of our suffering. It preaches back to our hearts the character of God, AFTER we have allowed ourselves to lament. 

•Lament has a way of unearthing where we’ve placed our ultimate hope. If we are unable to come back to a place of restful trust in Him- we either don’t know Him at all, or He alone isn’t our hope. 

• Lament brings our emotions to God. Lament gives us a voice. Lament validates human suffering. Lament opens the door for an exchange between us and God. Lament bridges the gap between our pain, and His promises. Lament grounds us back in a restful trust of God. Lament enables us to move forward. Lament is a mercy of God. 

•Trials aren’t meant to bind us, but to deliver us. Not for destruction, but for depth of relationship with our Savior. Not for hurt, but for healing. Not to ultimately beat down, but to strengthen and mature. To share in the sufferings of Jesus, so we may share in His glory also. 

•Lastly, this excerpt is from a book, my mentor happened to be reading at the same time the Lord was teaching me about lament. In regards to a part of Jeremiah 2… “God rebukes His people and His priests because “they did not say, where is the Lord?” A sure sign of their wandering hearts is that no one is in Gods face. No one takes hold of God and pulls. This idea is so strange to our ears that I most repeat it: God is upset with Israel because they are NOT lamenting. We think lamenters are disrespectful. God says the opposite. Lamenting shows you are engaged with God in a vibrant, living faith. We live in a deeply broken world. If the pieces of our world are not breaking your heart and you are not in Gods face about them, then you are becoming quietly cynical.” (Page 177 from “A praying life” by Paul Miller) 

“Surely God is good to Israel, To those who are pure in heart! But as for me, my feet came close to stumbling, My steps had almost slipped. For I was envious of the arrogant As I saw the prosperity of the wicked. For there are no pains in their death, And their body is fat. They are not in trouble as other men, Nor are they plagued like mankind. Therefore pride is their necklace; The garment of violence covers them. Their eye bulges from fatness; The imaginations of their heart run riot. They mock and wickedly speak of oppression; They speak from on high. They have set their mouth against the heavens, And their tongue parades through the earth. Therefore his people return to this place, And waters of abundance are drunk by them. They say, “How does God know? And is there knowledge with the Most High?” Behold, these are the wicked; And always at ease, they have increased in wealth. Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure And washed my hands in innocence; For I have been stricken all day long And chastened every morning. If I had said, “I will speak thus,” Behold, I would have betrayed the generation of Your children. When I pondered to understand this, It was troublesome in my sight Until I came into the sanctuary of God; Then I perceived their end. Surely You set them in slippery places; You cast them down to destruction. How they are destroyed in a moment! They are utterly swept away by sudden terrors! Like a dream when one awakes, O Lord, when aroused, You will despise their form. When my heart was embittered And I was pierced within, Then I was senseless and ignorant; I was like a beast before You. Nevertheless I am continually with You; You have taken hold of my right hand. With Your counsel You will guide me, And afterward receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. For, behold, those who are far from You will perish; You have destroyed all those who are unfaithful to You. But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, That I may tell of all Your works.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭73‬:‭1‬-‭28‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬